Penny arcade

HELP IS ON THE WAY...

This should help with your suckiness problem...

Directions: Take 2 and call your doctor if things go wrong.

Side-Effects: Things go wrong!!

Suckers

Things that suck today:

1. Dirty Laundry
2. Unexpected smses from unexpected people.
3. Flies

What about you??

CHINESE PROVERBS...

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get t yred.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Old but good

HOW TO MAKE LOVE...

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana


Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4 Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.

CAPETONIANS IN IRAQ...

FATHERLY ADVICE...

Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger!!

S : Why do women enjoy sex more than men
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

S : Why do women hate it when they get raped?
F : It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else comes over and digs in our nose, do you like it??

S : Why can women not have sex when they are? menstruating?
F : If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it??

S : Why do men not like to wear condoms when they are making love?
F : Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?

S : Why is making love carried out in private?
F : Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S : What is an orgasm?
F : The same as sneezing, but the other way round

S : Is it true that women love big dicks?
F : Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb?

PORN FLAKES ANYONE?

PLAN FOR TODAY...

SPIDERMAN 4: THE LAST EPISODE...

Porsche Drivers...

Just came back from gym where I swim at least twice a week. It's a fairly upmarket gym. Usually one or two 1 million rand motor vehicles in the parking lot. Tonight this fool was walking around the changeroom in a towel, opening every unlocked locker door to find his bag. He sat down on the bench in tears almost, saying: "My bag is gone..." This was quickly followed up by: ".....everything was in the bag, including my Porsche keys."

And although I felt sorry for the guy, what was going through my head was.....What sort of idiot drives a Porsche but can't afford a freaking lock for a gym locker?

Combo Breaker

Jenna says:
I
Jenna says:
l
Jenna says:
o
Jenna says:
v
Jenna says:
e
Jenna says:
y
David says:
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Jenna says:
what the **** is your problem?
Jenna says:
why do you always do that?

Gah. Why?! And I shouldn't let it bother me. But gah!

I need coco pops

THE GREAT...

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

My Babys...wooohooooo

Yah so Madrid took the La Liga title wooohooo....thats my babies...but yah it should have been a final decider on neutral ground like Serie A (thanks waseem for the info)...actually all leagues should adapt that coz goal differences also has discrepancies but any YAY YAY YAY they got league wooohooo

Ha Ha

Yes I'm laughing at a multi-billionaire heiress, shame on me.

my first bullshit experience

i decided to play it safe

Pointless post

P: How Long do you plan on growing your hair for?
MJ: Five months
P: No you fucking idiot! Length
MJ: Oh...

Zulu Sierra Kilo....whats yours?

In case it wasn't completely obvious, the name of the title is simply my initials in the International Radio Operators Alphabet. If you're interested, here's the full alphabet. What's your name?

Alpha	Bravo	Charlie	Delta	Echo
Foxtrot	Golf	Hotel	India	Juliet
Kilo	Lima	Mike	November	Oscar
Papa	Quebec	Romeo	Sierra	Tango
Uniform	Victor	Whiskey	X-Ray	Yankee
Zulu

THE DEFINITION OF INNOCENCE...

A nun working in a condom factory thinking that she's making sleeping bags for little mice!!!

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

4. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Tippex thinners. You probably got here just in time."

2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?

And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at yourdesk...1. Raise your head slowly and say, "Amen."

MOUSE PAD FOR MEN!!!

Finally they have done it!!! Introducing the latest technology in computer aids...The next generation mouse pad... made to stimulate both body and minds...

Sadly girls the only version out at present is the mens version, however women are encouraged to try the current version with male supervision! ;)

Cowabunga

If i was a ninja turtle , i'd be
Leonardo for his leadership qualities
donatello because he was intelligent
michaelangilo because he loved his food
and raphael because he was a dick!

I love you all

Im wrıtıng thıs ın turkısh ...hectıc. ı love you all.ı thınk thıs makes my spellıng even worseö. you should see thıs keybpard. just a message ıim alıve - theres alot of polıce around for our safety.

My bullshıt questıon for the day: Why the heck are turkısh people so unfırnedly? IM HOMESICK!

Mıssıng youll all stacks!

P.S:....er..now ım goıng to Gonderıyı yayımla thıs page....I dont know what that means but thıs blogger ım usıng ıs ın turkısh.

Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah....i)

I want to come home now! or go back to Makkah.

Remote Control

KMan this is apparently what women want ... I was just thinking what mens remote would look like, im sure it would be a whole lot less buttons. Cook, iron, clean, give head, undress, turn around etc. Sorry thats bit out of character for me lol but im a growing boy after all :D

Affection

I could have loved you....

if you were just a little prettier

Stormtrooper

Now he got some last night

Female StormTrooper : Oh Nigel!
Male StormTropper: I have to ask your something
Female StormTrooper: What is it?
Male Storm Tropper: Whose your daddy?
Female StormTrooper: Darth is my daddy!
Male StormTropper: NO I AM YOUR DADDY?
Female StormTrooper: OH NIGEL!!!!!!!!!.. not your lightsaber again!
Male StormTropper: Honey Millenium Falcon called it is hmmmmm!
Female StormTrooper: OH NIGEL.....!!!! I love it when you talk Yoda.....

But it happened

A punch-up at a wedding... It happens... Like the bridesmaid who
farted loudly during the 'I do' part. Or the best man who's viagra
didn't wear off from the night before... I'm just saying it happens...
Shit... You know, it just does... So you gonna be embarrassed by it or
run away? Just let it go and move on. This post was supposed to be
funny, i don't know. Fuck it. Peace, m.

Ok whats the story with girls?

Why do girls take so long in the bathroom?

Why do they go in packs or groups ? Do you guys help each other?

Why do girls feel it necessary to hug fellow girls when they meet or leave?

Do girls tell to their girlfriends about everything?

Matching underwear and clothes is it essential?

Have you ever wondered why exactly your bum looks big in that jeans?... stop asking

Why do girls moan about the bad guys but go for the bad guys?

What the hell do you guys keep in your purses/bags/fake louie vetton?

Does a GHD make your life better?

What in the blue hell does GHD stand for?

Why do you guys find is necesary to form large man hate groups if one jackass (THAT YOU PICKED) hurts you?

Why do girls never admit to stuff like farting, drooling or burping..... we know you do it


More to follow............

Drama Queens

Some males are more like Drama Queens than females.

Should we call them Drama Kings (D.K)?

O_o

Turtle Neck

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out

- James Bryant Conant, Past President of Harvard University -

thought.

what kind of cows do cheese get squeezed from?

for when words escape you

www.someecards.com

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